Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

You are my worst enemy, but also my best friend…

My worst enemy because you are a reminder of all of the bad choices I’ve made in my life thus far.  You show me my true self, not as my mind perceives me, but as my eyes do.  You cut me deep when I feel progress and then I’m shocked into reality.  When I congratulate myself when my jeans feel looser, you are there to knock me down, only to remind me that I am still a fat ass, and regardless of what progress I’ve made, I still have a really long way to go.  You are the cause of many nights that I can’t sleep because I’m busy thinking about how life would have been if I had  made different, better choices.  Your images are there when I’m on the treadmill huffing it at 3.3 mph fighting my way towards my 5k goal each day, and a slim person jumps on the treadmill right beside me and goes full force 10 mph or higher — your images show me just why I’m limited.  The pictures you show me haunt me.  When I’m getting ready to go out with my friends and I feel better, pretty for once — one glance into your abyss and I’m reminded of why I’m here — how I got here and how much of a journey it will be to make you reflect what I feel inside.  You’ve lowered my self esteem for many years — as far back as I can remember.

Yet you’re my best friend.  You never lie to me.  Your images are always true.  You’re there to remind me of the bad decisions I’ve made so that I can be reminded of reasons not to make them again.  When you cut me deep when I feel progress, I’m reminded of the last time that I fell off the wagon because I celebrated too soon — I didn’t use your images to keep me on track.  So, now you’re here to keep me focused.  When I’m on the treadmill feeling like my hard work is pointless, your images show me what the scale sometimes can not — muscle is denser than fat.  The pictures you show me, haunt me in order to keep me from going backwards, from falling off of the wagon, you keep me motivated.

You are a sweet serendipity.  I know that I must perceive your message in the right way in order for me to be successful, THIS TIME.  I will have you as my best friend, I welcome you fully and with open arms.

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