True Life: I’m a fat girl…

I decided to only update my weight once a week — I’m thinking Sundays. With cycles, water weight, adding muscle through strength training, so on and so forth, my weight has been all over the place. I started actually using the portion of my scale that measures body fat… and um… yikes.

When I was younger, my family always told me that I was “big boned”… seriously wtf is that supposed to mean? Me, being the completely clueless adolescent that I was, accepted this bullshit excuse for me being overweight. I honestly didn’t know any better. My allowances were spent on candy, cookies, and other sugary treats — all without discipline, all without accountability. I simply thought that’s what life was supposed to be like. I mean, I was big boned overall — why would I expect to be THIN, or HEALTHY?

On to the topic that I’m ever so skillfully avoiding… body fat. When I checked for the first time on Wednesday, I was 62% fat. Yes, that’s 6-2, sixty two, LXII… any way I say it — it’s just FAT. That means that 208 pounds of me is pure disgusting FAT. Okay, point made.

To all of the people who said I was big boned:

(oh yes!, another list)

1) Roughly 123 pounds of me is bone and muscle… Considering I would never want to be @ zero percent body fat at my height [it would look super weird], even adding some fat to that, let’s say 150… Even at age 10 when I weight 210 pounds, I had 60… SIXTY pounds of extra fat on my frame. Big bones, my ass…

2) Why didn’t you educate me on the proper things to eat, how to exercise, healthy weight, the importance of staying fit…

3) You still try to shove calorie loaded food down my throat during every holiday, never once caring about my health.

I know, I’m being a bit dramatic. But the thing is… I’ve always had excellent will power. I’ve always had drive, passion, and I’ve always held myself accountable. I’m just going through a phase where my impatience is causing me to really analyze my upbringing, my personal life choices, and the behaviors that were formed before I even had a say on the type of person I wanted to be.

I’ve lived in ignorance for too long. I’ve comforted myself with the lies of “You’re tall, you look better carrying a little extra weight”, or “You’re big boned”, or “Curvy is better”… I lived oblivious of how unhealthy these point of views really were and I let them be my excuses for not getting up and doing something about it. I now hold myself accountable for the previous years of my life of ignorance. I’m educating myself, pushing myself to be more active, watching what I put into my body, immersing myself in blogs and forums to get motivated and to read personal stories, and above all else, I am determined to be the best me I can possibly be.

One day at a time…

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4 thoughts on “True Life: I’m a fat girl…

  1. I hear you! I’m a 6’0 tall chick and have always struggled with my weight. My parents always told me I was bigger-boned too! I wish you luck with your journey…it’s definitely a lifetime commitment to being healthier but you are definitely not alone!

    • The one benefit to being tall is even though we shouldn’t we can handle a little extra weight and we start to look slimmer sooner lol. Gotta find the silver lining somewhere!! Thanks for your support! 🙂

  2. I went through something similar in my thought processes a couple of years ago. I had a ‘big boned’/ spent all my money on lollies childhood too.

    It was nice, albeit not so long ago, when I started thinking about how I could help others avoid the same mistakes – there’s a lot to be said for education, and I think you nailed that on the head in your post.

    Keep up the good work 🙂

    • Thanks for the motivation. I didn’t realize how taxing losing weight and being healthy would be on the brain! I’m so glad that I decided to blog about it. This process is completely therapeutic and necessary. Thank you for your perspective/story!!!

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