Things I’ve Learned… and um… Re-Learned – Part 1

330.2 lbs, still 30.4 lbs lost >;.<;

I feel a bit reflective of the journey that I decided to begin 13 weeks ago. I wanted to take this time to share some things that I’ve learned over the past few months. This also gives me an excuse to make a list 🙂

I’m stronger than I thought. I always thought of myself as being strong, but only when it came to dealing with work related things, or school tasks or even fighting for something that I believed in. But never did I think I could take on myself. I’ve attempted to lose weight in the past, but always failed because I did not arm myself with the knowledge and support needed to simply make it happen. I’ve always been able to help others, but never myself. Now I’ve learned that I do matter and that I must take the time out for me.

I’m a bit prejudiced towards unhealthy eaters. At first, I thought it was towards fat people, because seeing us [I’m not too crazy to not include myself lol] reminds me of something that I’m desperately trying to escape, an escape that I’ve failed many times in the past. But after some consideration, I realized that I’ve become prejudiced towards anyone that’s eating unhealthily. I was in a food court at the mall and I grabbed a salad at the salad bar [so yummy] and there was this toned, thin girl eating her heart out. She had to have about 1300 calories in front of her, and she was just munching away. This was a few weeks ago, maybe even a month ago. That’s when I realized that my disdain for people eating shitty food extended to anyone. If I were to be honest with myself [What other way should I be, really], I would have to say that I have mixed emotions about it. a) I’m jealous, because there’s a part of me that misses mindless eating and the comforts of comfort foods. b) I’m angry, because of the fact that our country makes crap food like that easier and more readily available than fresh foods. c) I’m sad that there are people in the world that would still scarf down 1300 calories in one sitting. I mean, that was ME 3 months ago. Let’s be even more honest, that COULD be ME 3 months from now, if I was to follow the trend that I have in my past.

I’m jealous of the body that’s forming under all of my fat. I can feel the muscle mass under my fat and it’s making me become so impatient to shed the weight. Exercising is creating a great framework for the future me and I am so ready for it to replace this me. I can see definition in my legs, my arms, my calves are like rocks. If only… lol. I know I have to be patient, but I don’t wanna.

I have to allow myself to fail. I’ve been so freaking hard on myself, in my post about De-Cluttering your life in order to lose weight, I referenced how stress can keep us from losing weight. Well I really think I was stressing myself out about losing weight. I believe I was way too stressed, and way too hard on myself. So, I’m adding in failure to the mix, as long as I learn from the failure, and continue on the next day with the program — it’s ok. Some failure is ok… I didn’t get this way overnight, and since the reason why I am this way is mostly due to my lack of education around fitness and eating right, then I have to expect to fail — at least a little.

I am a muncher. I like to eat for the sake of eating. So this is the funny part, this is a newly developed habit. My issue with gaining so much weight has always been that I ate the wrong stuff and only would eat 1-2 times a day because of my work schedule. I never really had a “snacking” issue. But now that my metabolism is RIDICULOUS, I’ve turned into a snacker. This can be dangerous without the proper planning, so I always make sure that I have baggies filled with foods that I am allowed to eat, measured out. I started making 0 point snacks like kale chips [so crunchy and oh so yummy].

I have epic gas. Ok, so this is probably one I should have left in the closet. But come on, seriously? I can’t be the only one. So many veggies and so much tooting. I just thought I’d throw that out there.

I labeled this one as Part 1 because I want to always reflect on what I’ve learned so that I can use it as fuel to get better.

Motivational Quote:

“A little reflection will show us that every belief, even the simplest and most fundamental, goes beyond experience when regarded as a guide to our actions.” – William Kingdon Clifford


My Weight Loss Gadgets – A review!

I’m a BIG gadgets person, so naturally I decided to obtain some gadgets to help me with my weight loss journey. Now, I’m not saying that these gadgets are necessary for proper weight loss, because that’s just dumb. But what I am saying is that these gadgets have made my life easier considering the massive [pun intended] undertaking my weight loss journey will be!

So now, my reviews!!

Weight Watchers App


So yeah, I started weight watchers last Tuesday. Here’s the thing, South Beach was fine, and I loss some weight with it. But I think for me personally, I need something more structured. I’m actually doing a mixture of both programs.

I love having a points budget and the possibility of gaining points for activity. With my trainer [and my doctor] saying that I’m not eating enough, I think this will work for me. Anyway, the app itself is easy to use and you can add your own food and add them to your favorites. So far I’m liking it!

Withings Wifi Scale

I needed a new scale so when I made an investment into a new one, I picked up this wifi scale that uploads my weight and automatically logs my progress on an app that’s on my phone. The app can be password protected from those I don’t want knowing just how hefty I am.

It measures body fat and tracks my BMI which is helpful. There are other add ins that can be added like blood pressure and heart rate but tracking the first three have been great for me so far. This isn’t a device that I would say chuck out your current scale for, but if you were in my shoes and needed a new one this one definitely should be considered.

Nike+ Running App

I LOVE the updated app and the website updates. You can set goals, track progress, participate in public challenges, challenge your friends, and get cheers for milestones as they are completed!! Makes me sooo happy and excited 🙂

And that’s just the part after your run, during your run, a nice lady’s voice motivates you and let’s you know your progress on your current run… Lets just say those last few meters of my 5ks become a lot more motivating when she tells me I only have 100m left lol.

You can add playlists and add a “Power Song” to push as a panic button when you feel yourself slowing down and you need the extra motivation. All in all, great app for walking/jogging/running.

Nike+ Sportswatch [w/GPS] & Lunar Swift 3 Shoes


Again, any good running shoes will work, but I caught these on sale and the reason why I went for these was because after I had tried a million shoes on at the shoe store, these gave me plenty of ankle support and they were comfy. They also have the Nike+ Sensor in them, which started my entire love affair with the Nike+ Program.

The SportsWatch helps me because it tracks my jogs and my heart rate when I’m jogging. With my health issues, I really aim to stay within my target heart rate and honestly at my size it doesn’t require a lot of effort from my part. I’m a bit geeky so using this gadget to stay in my target zone has made my jogs fun for me.

There you have it, a look into the gadgets I use to help me lose weight!

Ahhh shucks, really?

I want to say “thank you” to Peonut for nominating me for these awards, it’s pretty darn awesome of you!  So, I’m paying it forward.  There are a few blogs that I make sure that I check out on a daily basis, so I thought that I should nominate my favorites here as well!  Seeing as though I was completely unaware that Blogger Awards even existed, this is truly an honor!

Here’s the gist of the requirements

1. Display the award logo somewhere on the blog.
2. Link back to the blog of the person who nominated you.
3. State 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for the award and provide links to their blogs.
5. Notify those bloggers that they have been nominated and of the award’s requirements.


7 Things About Myself

1) I like lists, so this plays perfectly into my strange love of lists and more so, checking things off of a list.

2) I secretly (not anymore) want to become a dancer.  I’ve always loved to dance when I was younger, so that would be awesome that my journey ends in me becoming just that. (Not professionally, but at least good at it).

3) I’ve recently discovered that I love to cook and that I’m great with making up recipes to fit my random pallet… I hate most of the things that people usually love and love most of the things that people usually hate… go figure.

4) I read constantly, and I just finished book 13 of the Wheel of Time Series by Robert Jordan.  I am desperately waiting for the last book to be released in January… can’t wait.

5) I sing in the shower.. I know that a lot of people do this, but I mean, I SING.  I perform to a sold out concert hall of people waiting to hear my covers for several of my favorite artists.  Leading my charts of artists right now is Florence and the Machine — so magical.

6) I love everything beautiful.  I love to create things with different media, whether digitally or through scrap books, food, home decor — everything!  It really drives me.

7) I am currently in a love affair with Laughing Cow Cheese Wedges.  No need to elaborate… this should speak for itself.


My Nominees!!


Here are the blogs that keep me interested, and have inspired me to keep going on my journey.  It’s not often that we get the opportunity to show someone how much we appreciate them.  Often times I just lurk and only comment when I truly feel passionate about something.  So here’s my chance to show you all how much you’ve helped me along the way.  Thanks 🙂


“De-Clutter” your surroundings in order to lose weight?


Yeah, I said it DE-CLUTTER. Some people do not realize how their surroundings can cause unnecessary stress in their lives. For me, when I have things that I need to organize, or things that I have to do, it’s always in the back of my mind. Getting rid of the clutter, relaxes me, and this is important since there are a lot of facts involving stress and weigh loss. This article speaks to it and you have to admit that it’s a lot to consider.

After reading this article, I had to see my Personal Trainer, and she kicked my ass as usual. Which is a good thing. But directly after that, I decided to take a look at my apartment. I’m a bit of a neat freak, so things weren’t so bad. But there were things that I’ve been putting off. So, I did a major purge, got rid of things that I haven’t used in a while, deep cleaned some, and I set up things all nice and shiny-like.

I feel a list coming on. I did a few other things to de-clutter my mind and my surroundings:

1) I took the time to put all of my snacks in little baggies with their respective portions. This will keep me from worrying if I’m over eating and will keep me in check. I tend to over eat when I don’t have my portions pre measured.

2) I purged old paperwork, documents, and straightened them and made them neat and in order.

3) I FINALLY unpacked those boxes that I shoved in my closet from April when I moved. They ended up in there because I had family visiting so that was a quick fix lol. They were there ever since. Whoops…

4) I cooked! I fixed a bunch of healthy recipes and I portioned them out so that over the next few days, I don’t have to STRESS over what the heck I’m going to eat for my next meal. This was important since I work so much.

Right now I feel re-energized around my weight loss. I feel motivated, I expected to be de-stressed, but feeling motivated was a bonus — a happy bonus.

So speak up, what do you do to de-clutter and de-stress your life?!?

Absolutely Frustrated…

I was waiting for this day to happen.  A day when all of my positivity is drained, after working super hard and I’m left feeling depleted.

I’m getting ahead of myself.  So, I changed my entire outlook on life about 3 months ago. I went at my new lifestyle changes completely cold turkey.  I got rid of every bad food in my house, I stopped eating salt, processed foods, sodas, carbs — you name the bad stuff, I cut it out.

Weight came off easily, I lost 30 pounds relatively quickly.  I have so much to lose (200 pounds) that even with not going so balls to the wall, weight loss should have been relatively simple.

Diet wasn’t enough, so I started walking 3 miles every day.  Recently, I started to add bursts of jogging into the mix as well.  All of this, only to become a healthier person — fit even.

But now I’m stuck.  I know what plateaus are, and this one is being a bear.  I’m hovering around the same five pounds that are just hanging in there.

Then there was weigh in day (yesterday) with my personal trainer.  I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean to blurt out “No Way”… (she’s a fantastic trainer by the way)… I think she’s just as frustrated as I am.  I had gained 3 pounds since our last weigh in.  After asking me a million questions, she came down to the fact that she really thinks I’m not eating enough and that my body is in starvation mode.

So here are my frustrations (Finally), and in the form of a list (duh):

1) WTF… seriously?  First I eat too much now I’m eating too little?  For the record, I’m not starving myself, I’m not skipping meals, and I’m always full.  I committed to losing weight the right way, and I’m not cutting corners.

2) How does my doctor really expect me to drink 160 ounces of water, eat 1400 calories, workout, and work a 10 hour shift everyday.  The answer is she doesn’t, I think I’m burning myself out.  Honestly, on the only day that I actually hit 160 ounces of water, I felt sick, and I didn’t want to eat or work out or exist.  I decided to gradually drink more water until I get to an ideal amount, but of course I went all out when I first drank water just to see if I could swing it.

3) I feel so depleted of emotion right now that I’m fighting hard not to just give up.  I know that giving up would be stupid and I’m not going to let that happen, simply for the fact that plateaus happen to everyone.  But I still feel like crap — super crap.  SUPER CRAP WITH 10 thousand cherries on top.  (I hate cherries).

4) I knew this wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t think it would effect me so much, mentally.  When I’m taking a look at my life and taking stock in all that I’ve accomplished, I feel great.  But when I look at the road ahead, so many doubts creep in, so many voices of my past come in to make me feel like I can not do this and that I’m seriously kidding myself.  My mind slips into my former toxic thoughts of not being worth the effort and that I’m not successful because I can’t be successful.

What now?

I have to remind myself of where I came from.  Drive thru windows, fast carb craziness, no fitness or exercise, general ignorance and the list goes on and on.  I need to put my focus back on the fact that I’m in this for the long haul, and just because my recent efforts aren’t reflecting on the scale [or measuring tape >.<], my progress has many other points of measurement.  I have to be more excited around the fact that I’m down 2 pant sizes, and that I can jog throughout my walks now without literally feeling like I’m going to die.

I’m holding on to these facts with all I have, I must let them be my confidence.  I must allow them to speak for me when my voice is so small.

Ode to Fat Girls:



Ode to Fat Girls:.

I had to share this ^^ for one, it made me teary eyed and nothing makes me teary eyed. Every day, when I’m dragging all 330 pounds of me to the track to run, I feel every part of this post. It’s another perspective, one that I needed to hear. Even if no one really feels this way, these are the words I will now hear when I’m running and I see other, seasoned, runners.

Instead of feeling like crap because they passed me on the track or because their paces are 5 million times faster than mine [rough estimation] — I’m going to feel awesome that I’m out there. I’m going to give myself kudos because I’m actually out there busting my butt every day.

This is yet another reason why blogging [and reading blogs] has been an instrumental part of my weight loss journey.

Influences… and the horse they rode in on…


330.6 – 30 pounds lost so far.

Today is my 30 pound mark. Extremely exciting, but oddly this post isn’t about that at all. It’s about the relationships that I have with my friends and family. I’ve learned that by myself, I am able to stick to my regimen. I live alone so I find that behaving myself is relatively easy. However, when it comes to my friends — I can’t seem to make proper decisions.

During these times of lack of judgment, I am aware of the bad decision, however I still make them. It feels great to be back in the “I don’t really care” mindset where I didn’t treat my body as the center of my well being. For so long, I made decisions based on no foundation whatsoever. If I wanted to eat 1100 calories in one setting, I did. Often times not even aware that I was eating so many calories.

So, these friends aren’t exactly encouraging me to make these bad decisions, but they also aren’t holding me accountable. They are full of “It’s just one cheat day” or “oh, what’s one time going to hurt?”. But one time is one time too many. I believe that our bodies are systems, and we need to energize ourselves with healthy foods. It’s almost like putting premium gas in your mercedes on a regular basis, then randomly putting low grade fuel in simply because your other car friends said it’s ok to skimp once in awhile.

Probably not the best analogy, but it’s a major part of my current philosophy of staying fit. It absolutely has to be. In my case, I gained a lot of weight based off of not having a realistic view of myself and of the consequences to the decisions I was making. Therefore if I allow myself to simply “cheat” often, I’m convinced that I will stumble like I have so many times in my past.

My point… [I promise you I have one, I think…]

is that these influences for me, are bad. So, although I love them so very much, I have to limit my time around them, at least until I get a better foundation under me to be able to be steadfast in my weight loss and fitness goals.

Oh and WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOO 30 lbs lost.

[insert happy dance here]