…but here I am!

I have to start over…

But how do you do that when all you know in life is different.

1) I’m on my own.  He moved back home to be with his family.  I’m happy that he has someone to help cope with things, but that leaves me on my own.  Single. Single Income.  & Alone with My thoughts [these are dangerous for me].

2) I’m fat.  I chose to change my life today.  Starting with my weight.  My weight and the lack of love I have for myself was the foundation for my failed relationship.  I have to learn to love me.

3) I’m still bitter.  I’m surrounded by friends who are smaller than I am, married, have wonderful families.  Sometimes I want to tell them to fuck off or kick rocks — but that’s just not lady like.

Before I can begin to even THINK of a new life and a fresh new start, I have to analyze what I want.  Why am I here, WHAT WILL BE MY LEGACY?  Okay, maybe not that serious, I mean after all I’m just an average girl trapped inside of a popular girl who’s also trapped inside of an obese 29 year old’s body.

I’m going to start by taking control of the things I can control.  I can control what I put in my pie hole [that’s my mouth for those who aren’t as random as I am] AND I can control if I get off my ass and exercise.  Control is exactly what I need right now in my life of things seemingly falling apart rapidly.

Here’s the Anti…

1) 360.6 Starting Weight [cringe]

2) Size 26 pant [oh god]

3) Size 12W shoe [bah]

4) Weight Loss Goal: 200 pounds

and so it begins…