The Truth About Love and an Update of Some Sorts…

Love-Fire

It has been a little while.  Okay, it has been a long while.  I have been through a lot in the last 8 months, most of which includes falling head over heels in love with someone.  When I met him, the skies opened and the natural hues that life tends to produce seemed richer, smells became more robust, and life as I knew it changed.

This guy made me feel alive.  Although fitness and losing weight was still the most paramount goal in my life, he made the 4 month plateau that I experienced bearable.  [I will get into more detail about my plateau in a later post].  He pacified me with loving words of encouragement, hope, and support.  Honestly, with him by my side, I felt as though I could accomplish any task in life, big or small.

He spoke of marriage and of wanting to start a family.  As he spoke of this, my walls started to come down and I started to let go of all of the paralyzing fear that I held on to for so long.  My past was full of ups and downs, which makes me a guarded person by nature.  Finally, if by waving some magic wand, the mountains of fear that I was feeling started to disappear.  Until they did disappear, and I was his.

Then abruptly, as if God himself flipped the switch, my guy told me that he needed space.  When I asked why, he told me that he needed some time to figure out his life and that it was not me, it was him [sounds familiar?].  I spent days agonizing over this, trying to figure out what it was that I had done.  Wondering was it something I said, something I did/did not do.  What caused such an abrupt change of heart?  This baffled me even more considering, unlike most ladies, I was NOT the one that was actually pushing for marriage and children, so the likelihood of me scaring him off seemed null.

Devastated, I started to evaluate my life.  Truly evaluate it.  My mind went back to the goal that I set for myself just over one year ago.  I wanted to be skinny, sexy, amazing.  Although I have changed my lifestyle towards living a healthier, more enriched, life — I did not reach that goal.  Being in love weakened my determination and my will power.  Maybe, just maybe, my crazy plateau was caused by finding happiness in someone else, and not harnessing my inner happiness based on achieving my weight loss and fitness goals.

Here I am, a little bruised from the outcome of an ended relationship; healthier than I was a year ago, but not at my fitness goal;  and ready to get back on track without the distraction of blinding love.  My in depth self reflection discovered a missing component in getting my life back together, which was blogging.  For months now, I have been lurking, reading here and there, but not posting.  I had let myself forget how therapeutic writing could be.  My innate shyness always seems to push my blog to the bottom of the list of priorities in an effort to avoid the pain of spilling my soul to the world (or the 2 or 3 people that may stumble upon this place).

Well, for a lack of better words, I am back!  I will just call this Day 1, Take 2.

A compliment… Sorta/Update

I’m thinking that this post will be all over the place, so stay with me lol.  I have so much catching up to do I don’t know where to begin.

I shall begin with the topic of my post.  My niece comes up to me and she says “Omg, you’re still doing that weight loss thing aren’t you?” .  I, of course say something similar to “you mean, eating healthy and exercising?  Well, yeah, I am.”  She then pays me what I think was meant as a compliment, but I’m not completely sure.  She says “Well, your wrists look so small”.

Of all things, my wrists?  40 pounds off of my frame, and my wrists is what she chooses to compliment me on.  All I could do was chuckle and thank her, and explained that the weight seems to choose wherever it wants to fall off.  I left it at that.  I guess I’ve been yearning for validation through others.  We tend to do that some times.  We can’t trust our own judgement sometimes, so we need that added assurance from those around us who love us.  I’ll take it… my wrists… it’s a victory.

I’m sure you’ve figured it out — hopefully you didn’t think I was turning 40, since I’m only 28, but I finally broke that plateau last week and lost 10 pounds in the course of about 9 days.  The weight literally just fell off… What did I do to drop the weight… hmmmm, I feel a list coming on.

1) I cut out diary.  Completely.  Didn’t expect this to make such a huge difference, but it did.  I guess I was being naive around the effects diary has on the body, but this proves that we really shouldn’t be eating too much of the stuff.  I’m cutting it out completely while I’m losing weight and I won’t add it back until I start maintenance (in moderation, and maybe not at all, depending on how I feel).

2) I stopped eating Salmon.  I was utterly addicted to this stuff, and apparently with it being so high in fat, even healthy fat, I shouldn’t have been eating it as much as I was.  So I’m cutting back.

3) Fresh Tuna is my staple meat.  Not that I NEED meat, but I love fish, so I’ve been opting for the leaner fish, tuna.  It’s so awesome pan seared with a touch of extra virgin olive oil, rosemary, fresh sea salt and pepper.  The stuff is to die for.  It’s also expensive so…

4) Turkey is my secondary go-to meat.  Again, I’m eating meat in moderation, in general, but when I do want to add pizzazz to my meals, I am opting for turkey.  Turkey “Burgers” with lettuce wraps as the bun, are like my happy place.

5)  I was adamant in one of my last posts about keeping Splenda a part of my diet.  Well, I changed that and I cut it out completely.  My plateau made me realize that I don’t care about holding on to those things that comforted me.  I want to lose weight and I have to sacrifice somethings — right now it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice at all.

6) It’s weird because I’ve actually worked out less.  Due to some major things happening at work, I’ve been working basically all day and before today, hadn’t had a day off in 2 weeks.  I squeezed in 15-20 minutes of zumba whenever I could and only got to do 1 strength training session with my personal trainer.  But the weight still fell off.

7) Meditation — oh how this has become a blessing in my life.  I cherish this time with myself and it’s wonderful to just experience life through my own eyes which are usually blinding by the ins and outs of my daily hectic and stressful life.  This has been truly amazing.
I’m back, mostly.  I have so much to share but not as much time as I wish I had to do so.  I’ll be posting a bit more in the next few days!